Yes, yes, yes to this. 😭 I often find myself dreaming of that exact world—a place where simply being is enough, where worth isn’t tied to output, and our nervous systems can finally exhale. The constant push to optimize everything can be so exhausting… sometimes rest, slowness, and presence feel like the most radical acts.
Your words and research so accurately articulate my own struggles as a life-long (perhaps biologically?) task-oriented human and now recovering perfectionist that I could read this essay again and again. Recently I was contemplating how I spend so much time working to create the perfect stage for life — the nice home, the healthy body — that I don't have time to actually live it.
Thank you so much for this—what you said about "creating the perfect stage for life" really resonates. I’ve felt that too, like I’m constantly preparing for some future version of myself to finally start living, when in reality, this is it. The body I have, the home I’m in, the version of life that exists right now—it deserves to be lived, not just managed. I really appreciate you sharing this—it’s comforting to know others are working through the same shifts.
Yes! "Life deserves to be lived, not just managed." I can't stop thinking about that now.
I too struggle with the feeling that if I could only get everything crossed off my to-do list, I could finally sit down and rest and enjoy my life... But the reality is that I'll always be coming up with more things to add to the list.
You described that so well! I find myself rushing through to do lists so much so that I can finally sit down. And then do what? Scroll my phone? Life happens while you're doing things not after.
The age old adage of it being about the journey not the destination comes to mind; however, I found a stronger connection to Dr Ellen Langer’s work on being more mindful in every day life. The trick seems to be turning off the side of your brain that likes to codify and engage with the side that’s curious. Thanks for sharing the struggle!
Thank you so much for this insightful reflection! I love that you brought in Dr. Ellen Langer’s work—her perspective on mindfulness and engaging with curiosity really resonates. That idea of quieting the part of the brain that wants to categorize and instead leaning into wonder feels so aligned with what I was trying to explore. It’s comforting (and inspiring) to know that others are also navigating this balance between process and progress. Grateful for you being here and for sharing your thoughts!
Of course--very glad to join you in the reflection. If you're interested, I wrote a piece recently about Dr. Langer's approach to regret (spoiler alert: they're a waste of time!) and decision-making: https://gillywater.substack.com/p/no-regerts
Can we imagine a world where we get to just live without the pressures of producing/ being productive? 😭
I think our nervous systems could really use a break from all this optimising.
Yes, yes, yes to this. 😭 I often find myself dreaming of that exact world—a place where simply being is enough, where worth isn’t tied to output, and our nervous systems can finally exhale. The constant push to optimize everything can be so exhausting… sometimes rest, slowness, and presence feel like the most radical acts.
Your words and research so accurately articulate my own struggles as a life-long (perhaps biologically?) task-oriented human and now recovering perfectionist that I could read this essay again and again. Recently I was contemplating how I spend so much time working to create the perfect stage for life — the nice home, the healthy body — that I don't have time to actually live it.
Thank you so much for this—what you said about "creating the perfect stage for life" really resonates. I’ve felt that too, like I’m constantly preparing for some future version of myself to finally start living, when in reality, this is it. The body I have, the home I’m in, the version of life that exists right now—it deserves to be lived, not just managed. I really appreciate you sharing this—it’s comforting to know others are working through the same shifts.
Yes! "Life deserves to be lived, not just managed." I can't stop thinking about that now.
I too struggle with the feeling that if I could only get everything crossed off my to-do list, I could finally sit down and rest and enjoy my life... But the reality is that I'll always be coming up with more things to add to the list.
You described that so well! I find myself rushing through to do lists so much so that I can finally sit down. And then do what? Scroll my phone? Life happens while you're doing things not after.
The age old adage of it being about the journey not the destination comes to mind; however, I found a stronger connection to Dr Ellen Langer’s work on being more mindful in every day life. The trick seems to be turning off the side of your brain that likes to codify and engage with the side that’s curious. Thanks for sharing the struggle!
Thank you so much for this insightful reflection! I love that you brought in Dr. Ellen Langer’s work—her perspective on mindfulness and engaging with curiosity really resonates. That idea of quieting the part of the brain that wants to categorize and instead leaning into wonder feels so aligned with what I was trying to explore. It’s comforting (and inspiring) to know that others are also navigating this balance between process and progress. Grateful for you being here and for sharing your thoughts!
Of course--very glad to join you in the reflection. If you're interested, I wrote a piece recently about Dr. Langer's approach to regret (spoiler alert: they're a waste of time!) and decision-making: https://gillywater.substack.com/p/no-regerts
Thank you for sharing, I will definitely check it out!